The Power Of Words...Fight Or Argue?...Lose Or Win?

While reading chapter two of Heinrich's book Thank You For Arguing I found it very helpful and very interesting. This chapter mainly talked about achieving your goals. It starts off by discussing and emphasizing the difference between a fight and an argument. I personally believe differentiating the two is the key in understanding the authors point. He gives many different examples and situations, yet they all revolve around that main idea. So, what really is the difference between a fight and an argument?

Isn’t a fight an argument or an argument a fight? The answer is NO! They are two totally different things not even closely related to each other, yet many people tend to confuse them. “In a fight, each disputant tries to win. In an argument, they try to win over an audience-which can comprise the onlookers, television viewers, an electorate or each other.” Simply by reading this quote from our common sense we can infer that by arguing you can reach your goal better than by fighting. This is a logical topic for many of us, yet for many it isn’t. Being a logical topic for many of us it sounds simple yet, many don’t know how to apply it in their daily lives. That is why this chapter goes step by step with you, to help you reach your desired goal in a wise manner.

In this short but concise powerful quote “You succeed in an argument when you persuade your audience. You win a fight when you dominate the enemy.” Shows that if you are smart enough to use strong arguments and stir up people’s thoughts and emotions you can gain a whole lot, but just by putting up a fight you only gain the satisfaction of “winning”. Why do I put those quotations around winning? This is because when you win a fight it’s not really winning, you think you won but really has the other opponent changed his point of view? Maybe not, but because of the tools used in fighting such as fear and torture you say you won. A person who fights is a coward or an ignorant that has to rely on other sources because he can’t win on his own. This situation is explained in the book when George’s dad says “argument by the stick; when words failed him, he used his fists.” Meaning he has to rely un fighting because his words have no meaning what so ever.

We can make a connection comparing this lesson to sports. When you argue its fair play, and when you cheat and use fighting as your alternative you don’t go by the rules. You usually cheat when you are losing and have no other option. A great example of an argument in this chapter is Mariah Carey. Through the means of a song she tries to change her ex-boyfriends mind by giving him reason of why they belong together. She is giving him a valid argument which makes him think, yet she is not pressuring him by threatening him or begging him. The decision is his to make after all. This is one of the big differences between a fight and an argument. The difference is very well contrasted when it says “You can give the horse salt to stimulate its desire for water (arousing its emotions, if you will); you can persuade it to follow you to a stream (the choice part); but getting it to commit to drinking poses the toughest rhetorical problem.”

When you argue you can play with people’s emotions, yet you don’t force them to do anything, instead when you fight you are eliminating their free will making them give up, not necessarily changing their position voluntarily. So, the key is playing with others minds, yet keeping it low profile with strong points that will make the other person consciously want to change opinion. A great example of this as motioned in chapter two is the South Beach diet popularity. How did it become a best seller? The secret was given to us; it was all a game with the mind. It said and portrayed everything people wanted to hear and infer “no-big-deal tactic: The Delicious, Doctor Designed, Foolproof Plan for Fast and Healthy Weight Loss.” This immediately captivates the readers emotions and takes over the mind, making them want to buy this “to good to be true product. “

I want to share a story I can relate to this whole argument fight tactic. A couple years ago I believed that by fighting I was going to win all my battles. I was rude, disrespectful, loud, and wanted everything my way. At first I never lost or at least I thought I did. Looking back I realized I may have won those battles, but I didn’t gain anything from them but stress, rivals, enemies, and hatred. So, yeah I may have won the battle but what I lost was worth more than that insignificant battle. The hurt I caused others and I was more valuable than those meaningless battles. What I was doing was totally pointless.

One day someone told me you can’t win every single battle, you have to select the ones that are really worth it. So I sat down and started looking back and realized many battles I had fought were totally pointless, even some I even knew I had already lost before starting. That was when I realized why am I wasting my time? What am I gaining from this? The answer was absolutely nothing! I am in fact losing more than I originally had. That was the day I actually began analyzing the situations and using strong arguments to support my point.

Suddenly I started getting my point across easier and people would actually take me into account. I then began really winning the battles I had once thought I won. It felt great. There was no need for me to be rude or disrespectful. I solved all my problems with evidence and choosing words carefully.

I am glad it didn’t take me long to realize the wrong path I was taking. That is why when reading this chapter I could connect so much with the author. It was like if he knew me and had written this for me. I can share a bond with the author when he says “She has a biting tongue but knows how to restrain it to win an argument. “ Because I still get that urge to scream and misbehave, yet I know how to hide it in order to actually win.

Even if it takes agreeing with the other person when you don’t, you can’t let minor obstacles stop you from reaching your main goal. You can not deviate from you mission. So now I’m going to leave off with this quote that really impacted me “ While the rest of the world fights, we’ll argue. And argument gets you what you want more than fighting does.” So are you going to fight or argue? Win or Lose? It’s your decision!