Finding The Importance Of Arguing

As I read Chapters Three and Four I could very well relate it with my life. In Chapter Three it basically revolves around the three main points when arguing. They are blame, values, and choice. I have personally experienced the three and after all my experiences I agree completely with the author. When I have used blame it really hasn’t gotten me anywhere, for blame is using guilt and conviction against someone, which isn’t going to make them agree with you. Obviously no one is going to accept a punishment. For example when he says “Who moved my cheese?” The person who moved it isn’t going to admit it without giving an excuse, which you may not care about, yet defends their position. When you use the value tactic, I believe its better, but not quite the best. This is because as he says “Morals are inarguable in deliberative rhetoric.” This is so true, changing a belief you were almost born with isn’t going to happen so easily. Since we were born, our parents started teaching us our values and morals. Consequently all those years learning them actually pay off, you are not going to in a short period of time change what you have been taught for, many many years. Yes, using morals may work, but why not just go with the easy uncomplicated choice tactic. When there is a choice that means there is an option or a door to solving the problem. When you talk about the past, it is gone there is nothing we can do about it, finito. As a result that is why blame isn’t very effective. Yet, when you leave it up to someone and you give them options, you still have a chance to win. By giving an option, you have a much higher chance of the other person agreeing with you, for you are taking them into account and showing them you care. You are not being self centered or stubborn, you actually want the best for both and transmit openness.

I loved the example of when the author tells us to give an extreme choice first so your opponent weakens and is more vulnerable. This takes place when the author and his wife are choosing their sons name. He first says this strange hideous name, yet he actually wants to name him George, but knows his wife doesn’t like it. So, after saying that horrendous name, when he says fine lets name him George his wife says “You know, George doesn’t really sound that bad.” I he would have said George from the start she probably would have said no, but since he is giving her choices and making her feel like she matters, makes her give in easily. Accordingly, in Chapter Three the lesson was focusing on the future, will get you farther than focusing in the past or the present. Since, the future hasn’t been decided, you still have control over it, meaning you’re a step ahead of the game and could win your battle.

In Chapter Four it elaborated those three topics a little bit more and linked with three different categories. These categories are argument by character, argument by logic, and argument by emotion. Depending on the situation you choose the tool you need. Unlike the ones in chapter three these are all as effective, if you know when and how to use them. I believe argument by character is very selfish and stubborn method, it is basically “it is because I said so.” Argument by logic is when you use facts or evidence, which makes your opponent think. Lastly argument by emotion, which I believe is the easiest to use, in short words it means when you play with others feelings. I personally like this tactic the best because once you encounter emotions, the heart takes over the mind and your opponent becomes weaker. This is because I believe most of us humans follow our heart before consulting with our brain. The heart simply takes over the brain. This is not a voluntarily action it just happens. When this happens your brain may say don’t do it, but your heart will make you do it. You lose total control. I can say this from personal experience, especially in the love department. I mean why do we keep going back to those who hurt us? The only explanation I can think about is, because our emotions won’t let us think logically. This is why even though everybody tells us over and over again, you deserve a lot better, and sometimes we even know it, yet we are incapable of deviating from what our heart really wants. So, by playing with words and sympathizing as the author states “Registering concern for your audiences emotions and then changing the mood to suite your argument. “ Which basically means gain control of the situation by making the other feel like you really took them into account, and their point is as important as yours. While listening to their point of view they are giving you tools “ one of the best resources comes straight from your opponents mouth.” So, after listening to them and making them feel important ,you have been given all the tools necessary , including their point, which you need to use against them.

Fundamentally, these two chapters did a very well job explaining the main points. I can say this because not only have I understood perfectly what the author is trying to say, but I have experienced each and every one in my daily life. For, next time I am in a situation like this one, I will stop think and then act putting to use these helpful hints.

To finalize, we have to face it our lives are filled with arguments, but can you imagine life without arguments it would be plane boring. Arguments are what keep us going and striving to reach that end point, our inspiration. “If life were free of contingencies, then we could live by a few rules written in stone that would apply to all our decisions. Every baby would come with an operating manual, the same guide that worked for her older brother. Every rule of thumb would apply to every situation. The early bird would always catch the worm, everything would be cheaper by the dozen, and the world would come in two colors: black and white.”

So, we don’t have to hate arguing, we have to learn how to argue and it may sound ironic, but actually enjoy it. Feel the satisfaction of getting your point across, being wise and knowing how to handle the situation. It’s all a matter of technique. So let’s become masters.