Satirical Essay

The Greatest Sport Created


Are you tired of feeling ugly? Not having enough money? Simply being fat? Are you tired of eating your money and flushing it down the toilet? The solution is all in the new sport created: Anorexia. It is proven that food is the cause of world poverty. With the money you waste on food yearly, you could buy 100 Mercedes. So, do you prefer to have 100 Mercedes parked in your garage or have a big fat belly and no money in your wallet? By playing a sport, never before could you help fight world poverty, yet now you can!

This sport has become so popular in such a short period of time that it is now being considered to be played in the next Olympics. It’s an easy sport, which only requires one skill, to follow directions. Playing it is as easy as it sounds: No Eating. That is it, one rule. It can’t get any simpler.

There has now been an anorexic association league created not too long ago, devoted into helping others. If you want to improve your life tremendously, call them NOW! They will give you tips to improve your life 100% guaranteed. Call 1800-Anorexics. They will give you all the information needed to join the team, free of charge. This Anorexic league will promise you drastic changes very rapidly. You may ask yourself why they don’t charge. It’s simple, their passion is to help others making the world a happier and better place.

This sport will only improve your life. It will make you skinnier, prettier, happier and will teach you skills essential to your daily life: following directions. Ever since it was created millions of athletes are in the constant race of fighting to always become better. They do whatever it takes, to reach “success”.

Psychologists have even rated this sport as the drug they had never before found. This is because it not only improves your physical and emotional health, but it triggers motivation. So, if you find life boring and need that inspiration you once had, call them now.

On the other hand do you suffer from not enough attention? Are you depressed and feel useless? This sport will give you the attention you had always dreamed of. The changes will be so noticeable, that people with no doubt, will look at you in surprise, talk about you and even point at you. Who would ever think shutting your mouth was the answer for the attention you were looking for all these years.

Is your name hideous? Are you embarrassed to meet people because of your name? People who practice this sport can refer to themselves as Ana. Playing Anorexia will abolish your worst nightmare. People will now refer to you as Ana instead of your embarrassing name. This is the same case as people who practice syphilis are called Philly. Yet, Ana is a prettier than any other name. It’s short easy and unisex. No need to be ashamed, now you will be part of this proud, prestigious elite team.

What sport can be better than one that is affordable, gains the attention you always wanted, gives life a meaning and motivates you, no need to go the gym or time required to practice and it even saves you money, makes you pretty and happy.

Join the never ending race of being the scrawniest and boniest or simply the prettiest person alive. Being gorgeous is not that difficult. So it’s time for the life you always wanted. Start practicing only practice makes better. The more you practice the better the results.

This new trendy, effective, no time consuming sport has been the solution to millions of problems. No more working out, no more hassles, no more being unhappy or ugly. Start playing and you will become amazed by the feedback. Have a problem? There is an answer: Anorexia.